Ten years ago, I had my first real boyfriend. I had boyfriends in middle school and whatnot, but it never went beyond hand-holding and kissing. By the time I was fifteen, I had who was considered my first real boyfriend, although he wasn’t anyone I was truly interested in. Our parents got along greatly, I met him in church, so my parents figured he would be a great option.
We started dating on my fifteenth birthday. Within a month, my boyfriend was bringing up the topic of sex. I thought that since he was my boyfriend, this was what was supposed to happen. He wasn’t overly pushy about it, at first, but the more dates we went on the more he kept bringing it up. In fact, he finally said that on our four month anniversary I should lose my virginity. Since he was sixteen, and I wasn’t his first, he didn’t feel the need to wait.
He found out that my high school’s homecoming was on a different night as his, so he wanted to go to both. Mine happened to be first, and my parents just so happened to be out of town. They trusted my boyfriend entirely and he had them fooled. They didn’t know his intentions. I wasn’t staying in the house alone, I was actually staying with my godparents who lived right around the corner. After taking the mandetory pictures, we left and went straight to my house.
My first time having sex wasn’t the most pleasurable. It was awkward. I kept wondering if this was even a good idea, and wondering if he was the right person. At the time, I really didn’t know what to do. I hadn’t even had oral sex yet. I wasn’t completely niave, I knew what was going to happen and what to do, but I had no experience in any manner. He hiked my dress up and tried to take my underwear off, but it was odd. Instead, I did it.
He didn’t try to initiate any foreplay and therefore it was difficult to insert his penis inside me. He, being more experienced than I, should have known what to do. Instead, he tried to spit on his hand and rub me with that. He tried to be gentle, but there just wasn’t really a whole lot that could have been done. He finally just couldn’t wait and inserted himself fully inside me and I cried. I had tears rolling down my cheeks and asked him to stop. He did for a couple minutes until the pain subsided. I figured that since it had already happened, and obviously my hymen had been broken, there was no turning back and we might as well finish what we started.
He didn’t take long. I suppose it was over within a couple of minutes, thank goodness. I didn’t expect to bleed as much as I did, and I knew it would happen from conversations I had with other girls in my school. We threw my conforter into the wash and went to the dance.
I was excited at first. I felt like I had accomplished something really big and we were telling some of my close friends about it. Towards the end of the evening, it really dawned on me what I had let happen. I started to feel guilty about it. My parents never really enstilled the concept of premarital sex, I actually hadn’t had the sex talk at all, I just knew that it was something I shouldn’t have let happen.
It was during the week when he was continuing to want to be pushy about having sex since it had already happened.. There weren’t any reasons anymore as to why we shouldn’t have. I then overheard him on the phone tell his friend that I was another knotch in his belt. It was around that time when I figured out that I really wasn’t remotely interested in him. He was just someone my parents thought was a good guy and a positive influence on me. Look where that ended up. I broke up with him right before his homecoming and he didn’t have enough time to find another date.
For someone who was another knotch on his belt, he sure didn’t take rejection well at all. Although I didn’t have my first love until I was seventeen (I had another boyfriend in between the two), I do wish I would have waited till I was with my first love. High school romance. I was his first as well. If I would have waited, it wouldn’t have been awkward, it wouldn’t have been as painful, and I sure as hell wouldn’t have felt so guilty about it afterwards.
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