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Alright, I was in love with this girl from the first day I saw her. We met at a church camp (kinda ironic all things considered), and from there hit off a friendship. We tried dating that year (our freshman year) but being as neither of us had access to a mode of transportation and she lived about 40 minutes down the freeway, it ended shortly. We remained friends for a number of years, until the summer before my senior year (Three years down the road). I had recently broken up with a girl I had been dating for several months, and the car (my most prize possesion) had cracked it’s engine block,…. so basically, I was moping about the house praying to god for a lightning bolt to strike me…. then the phone rang….. she called…. she picked me up with her friend…. and off we drove. She had recently broken up with her boyfriend, and the conversation turned to perfect mates. She said “All I want out of a boyfriend is someone I can have fun with… you…. er I mean…. uh he wouldn’t need to do much”. Well, that night we kissed for the first time. The heavens split open as our lips met, the earth stood still, the planets collided and the stars exploded. I knew then, that I did and always had loved her. It ended shortly there after. Again, I turned to other things, losing myself in Bob Seger’s Against the Wind, school, and the pursuit of something to fill that void within my soul (in other words I hid in a bottle for a few months). A year passed, and we remained friends, though every guy I saw her with was salt in my tortured souls wounds. Finally, a week before we left for college, I was driving around in her neck of the woods (I pulled out of the bottle and found I had a passion, and some say a talent, for landscape photography)…. I saw a car pass me,…. it was hers….. so I got on the CB and was speaking we went to her bosses house… ( she babysits a group of kids and stayed there occasionally). Her friend went to sleep, and I sat outside smoking a cigarrette with her. Then I saw the flicker in her eye that I saw the night of that first kiss, and I knew it was to begin anew. She said “Put that out and come sit over by me”…. I did as I was told (I would have jumped off a building if she had hinted it would amuse her). She straddled my lap, and gazed into my eyes. I watched as each of her imperfections transformed to perfection before me. Our lips met again. The sensation is something I will always remember, ecstacy from such a seemingly meaningless action. I was helples in her arms. I’m not going to go into the graphic details for it was an action that transended all physical actions. I can’t defile by describing it in physical actions. It was more than that. Afterwards, we lay there together. I ruined it several days later in a drunken rage…. I sinned against the relationship (no violence) but it is a sin which she long ago forgave, and I never can. it’s done. We’re friends now. I can never forgive myself, and will carry the pain of knowing what could have and should have been to my grave. With this I leave you, when you love someone, which is what sex is truly about, the conveince of that emotion, not the physical thrill thereof, then never let yourself be out of control. For if you are, the demons in your soul will destroy that which you hold most dear….. your love for her, and her love for you.
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