Yes, i’m still a virgin. I know what your thinkin: why are you submitting a story about first times if you haven’t even done it yourself. I just thought i’d like to share the thoughts and feelings that run through a young teenagers, well my mind, on the subject of sex.
So i’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 months now, lets call him Fred. Fred and I have gotten pretty close lately and i’ve been seeing him a few times round his house. Last night, we went the furthest we’ve ever been. Fred is 17 and i’m 14, it may look like a three year difference but it’s really only 2 years because i’m 15 soon. We love each other very much, and it’s none of that puppy lovey crap, i do really like him. He makes me feel so comfortable around him and he always tells me that he wont do anything with me unless i’m ready.
Fred has had many girlfriends in the past and he has slept with 4 of them. Teenagers are naturally under pressure to have sex, but this makes it ten times worse for me because i feel like i have to compete. Fred is really popular with the girls and despite he says “I would never leave you, you have me for life babe” i’m still worried he might find someone better.
In the past, we’ve done stuff together and it felt right with him. Last night, we went the furthest I’VE ever been. It felt nice at the time but i feel a bit stupid looking back on it. We were lying in his bed, watching a film. The covers were over us and we were holding each other close. We started messing around a bit at first and he put his hand inside my underwear. I did the same to him and we both started rubbing. It felt strange because his mom was downstairs but that didn’t stop us. After a while he put a condom on, as to save mess if he came, and i carried on rubbing. He asked me if i wanted to suck it, i said “if you want me to” and i went under neath the covers. It was the first time i’ve ever done this before, and he told me i was really good at it. I kept sucking for ages, all around his penis. Then i came up and continued with my hand. I spent ages pleasuring him, but i didn’t mind because i liked it.
He leaned over to me and said “it’s your turn now baby”. I let him undress me, not thinking about what he was going to do. He started kissing my neck and then my boobs, and kissed my body all the way down to my vagina. He slowly kissed it and started licking it. It felt so nice. He kept rubbing it with his fingers, then he put pressure on it and started pushing his finger inside me. At first it felt strange but at the same time really nice. He then put two fingers in and put even more pressure on it. Now i could feel the pain, it hurt so much. I looked down at him and he looked up and smiled. I let him carry on a bit and then i couldn’t handle the pain, so i told him to stop and luckily he did. I’ve heard from other stories that the pain was bad and to be honest they were right. I’m not sure whether it has put me off havign sex all together. He lay on top of me, we were both naked from the waist down. he started moving up and down and staring into my eyes. I stared back, but i didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t inside me, just rubbing up against me. He continuously asked me the question “is it inside”. “No” i replied. He repeatedely tried to move it in, and at the spur of the moment, i helped. He didn’t enter me, but if we had more time he might of.
Looking back on last night i’m not sure if i regret it or not. I really liked being so close to him, and when he tried to enter me he was saying things that made me laugh and it was calming my nerves. I love how caring he is, he made me feel so comfortable with him. Low self-esteem is very common, but i’m haunted by it. I never feel comfortable with my own body and i always feel that i look stupid. So last night i was as nervous as hell. Especially when we were half naked, he told me i looked beautiful but i felt stupid.
I’m not sure when i’m seeing him again, but it’s weird thinking abotu what could happen when we’re next alone. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a lovely guy. So caring of my thoughts and feelings, but he’s told me that it’s gonna’ be hard for him to wait two years untill i’m legal. And this unsettled me a bit, it’s made me think that i might be letting him down if i don’t put out. Sex is one of those things that you know there is no point in rushsin, and that you ave your whole life time to experience it, but in the spur of the moment, you don’t want to stop. Maybe this is why there are so many teenage pregnancies and that will power and self discipline have gone out the window.
I know i can wait and all, but it’s hard feeling like i’m not satisfying Fred. I like him so much and i do not want to lose him. I’ve spoken to my friends that i can trust about this, and they all seem to say the same thing. “Wait untill your ready, only you will know” the thing is i don’t know, maybe it’s the fact that i feel i’m disappointing him, or if it’s my own desire spurring me on. “If he is worth it, he’ll wait” but how can i be sure that the right guy will wait? Maybe he is the perfect guy for me and in my own head it’s me that wants it more than him. “don’t worry about it, there’s plenty of time for sex” I can’t predict to future though can I. I know my friends are right, but inside i feel there are two kinds of people in one. On the one hand, i want to experience everything now and please him. But on the other, i want to wait untill i feel 100% sure. How can i be positive i feel completely ready?
I wrote this story not to fulfill the purpose of this site, but i really needed to write down my feelings towards this subject. I’m confused and any help/advice would be greatly appreciated!! hint hint. If you feel like you can help me, email me at SkittlesRuleTheWorld@hotmail.co.uk
Thank you, xx
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