I was a 24 year old male virgin. I was a virgin partly because I believed sex was a sacred gift to be reserved for marriage, partly because I didn’t feel sexually appealing, and partly because I didn’t have a job making a lot of money. I thought I needed to have a solid career and solid earning power before I married and before I could have sex. I viewed sex as imposing an obligation. If I was not financially able to handle the consequences, I had a duty to abstain.
The older I got, the more I began to encounter women who were eager to engage in various forms of sex play. They were women who were on the fringes of church commitment or who were getting back into church after having been out there, getting used and dumped, and were looking for meaning again.
I was a college graduate. I hit the market in the mid 1970s. While the mid 1970s might have been good for women and minorities, it was not good for white males. I met a white male with a master’s degree who was sweeping warehouses for a living. Another was handling baggage for an airline. I looked on a job posting board for people in my field of scientific training that said jobs were available for “women and minorities only.” This was before all that litigation began that outlawed reverse discrimination against white males. It still goes on, which is why the family in America is in such a poor state. Males in general, black and white, are shoved aside by the job market and prevented from becoming breadwinners of their families. This why there are so many women out there complaining about not being able to find men who make enough to support a family. Women and women’s rights groups have shoved men down, to the point that men can’t lead families financially.
I was working at a job far below my educational level. My ego was suffering miserably. I was completely frustrated. I had done everything right. I had worked hard in high school. I made good grades. I had never pushed a woman to do something sexually she didn’t want to do. I had drawn the lines and set the boundaries. I respected women. No woman ever had an abortion because of something I did. I graduated high in my class. I majored in a scientific and technical discipline. I worked as much as I could during college. I searched for jobs that were relevant to my major and couldn’t find them. Things weren’t falling into place for me to get married and start a family. I was starting to feel over the hill and past my prime. Honestly, suicide crossed my mind.
I met this beautiful 28 year old divorced woman in church. I had considered divorcees off limits. When I told my father about her, he told me she was off limits.
This beautiful woman adored me. She restored my sagging self confidence. Eventually I found a job. I kept looking for work within my field but I was willing to prove that no work was beneath me. I hope that impressed the woman. She could have had anybody she wanted, but she wanted me.
I’m not an ugly guy. I learned that eventually. I had had some very attractive girlfriends in college. One told me she loved me. My roommate told me that he had heard me referred to as “doll” by one girl and “darling” by another. Enough of those comments and a guy finally gets the point that he’s not physically repulsive.
Enough of the introduction. One night, this woman, I’ll call Sherry, and I were on the telephone. We were semi-committed although not exclusively. She had been harassed by some men the day before and she was sounding lonely. I guess people thought she was easy because she had been divorced.
I asked her if she wanted me to come over and she said yes.
On the way over, I got sexually excited, but I told myself I wasn’t going for sex.
At the door, we immediately embraced. She went to the bedroom to get some pillows so we could get down on the floor. I met her in the hall and told her to go to the bedroom. In the bedroom, I just took off my clothes. I didn’t take off hers. We lay down together and started kissing. Eventually, she started kissing my chest and just continued on down until she reached my penis. I had never felt anything so pleasurable. I gasped her name, as she licked and sucked.
Finally, I reached for her panties. I pushed them off and she helped me.
I crawled between her legs and tried to enter her. I missed. Then, she took her hand and guided me in.
I still remember that feeling. She was very loose and very lubricated. I didn’t feel as much as I thought I’d feel. I just started pushing very slowly. Every once in a while I’d push in as deep as I could. After a while she told me, “slow down.” I wasn’t going fast, and I didn’t feel like ejaculating. I just kept going, and eventually, she jerked a little bit, sighed, and said, “I couldn’t wait.” Talk about an ego boost. I’d just given an experienced woman an orgasm on my first try, and I still had a lot left.
After a while, we got out of bed and went to the shower. I played with her breasts and she gave me a penis massage, though she didn’t bring me to ejaculation. Afterwards we got out and ejoyed looking at each other in the mirror.
I went out to the living room to lie down and asked her to put on something sexy. She came out in a red satin robe.
Since she had given me such pleasure with her mouth, I asked if she’d like me to return the favor. After she approved, I moved down between her legs and began to kiss her there. I didn’t know how to give her oral pleasure, so I eventually started rubbing my penis against her satin robe until I found her sweet spot. I entered her and began to thrust gently. It wasn’t long before she had another orgasm. This time, I began to thrust vigorously until I ejaculated. We just lay there a while and talked while my erection subsided. She went and got a warm wash cloth to clean me off. Then she just lay on top of me while we held each other and talked.
Eventually, I got another erection. She tried to mount me, but couldn’t. We sat facing each other, and I inserted myself into her. I picked her up and carried her to the bedroom with me inside of her. She said that was a first for her.
I made love to her from the top for a while. Then I turned over and let her make love to me from the top. I still remember looking at her face and her eyes and watching her smile as she leaned back against my penis.
Finally, I turned her over and gave her one final orgasm. After she had her orgasm, I thrusted vigorously until I got mine.
I regretted what I’d done. It violated my belief in what I knew was right. I told her I felt very guilty and she told me not to feel guilty. At least I knew I’d not taken advantage of her in her weak moment. She wanted it.
We remained committed friends for a while, but I exercised the discipline not to have sex with her. We petted heavily. We dreamed of a future together. She knew I wanted her and was struggling to keep myself from having her. Sometimes, I really miss her. She was patient with me. She gave me the ultimate comliment by having an orgasm with me my first time. I’ll never forget her.
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ronald
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