Don’t expect anyhting steamy in this one and sorry if it kind of drags but I used to frequent this site when I was about 14 and I thought it would be a nice way to get out my first time.
I spent my early years as pretty much a loner, I was too shy and very sensitive. I was born sexually mature and always longing for either a sexual relationship or even just an emotional one- I just love girls. (I can remember being in kindergarten and having fantasies about sleeping with my class-mates but my favourite has always been hugging- it’s so comforting) Anyways there was this girl I had a crush on in grade three wich lasted through to untill mid grade seven when I asked her out. We were extremely good friends at the time but she just kind of laughed at me. I kind of fell apart and haven’t talked to her since. s later I was at a newyears party and feeling rather depressed about being alone so I made one of the only newyears resolutions I’ve ever made: I wanted to have someone to kiss next year. Less than two weeks later, this girl (a friend)came up to me and said she had something to tell me. She seemed pretty serious and I was shaking really hard I was so nervous. She had been looking at me kind of funny for the last two weeks so I wasn’t really surprised when she told me she liked me but I still just couldn’t believe it. I stood there shaking until my bus came. My friends found me curled up in a ball in the corner of our school basement the next day and I wouldn’t talk. I just sat there missing classes and eventually the school got involved and when they tried to make me stand up I just started crying so hard my nose was bleeding. I couldn’t even talk to jenn for a while but at some point she brought me into this walk in closet in the artroom to show me some of her work and the door shut. I noticed that she was shaking too and asked her if I could give her a hug. that was the most wonderfull feeling in the world even though it didn’t last for very long. I loved this girl and refused to let anything make her look anything less than angelic and kept myself from thinking about her in any sort of sexual way. Eventually we ended up embracing again in some downtown mall by a window. We stayed like that for hours. Life was beautiful. After a little while I started to worry that she might be wanting more from our relationship and so we eventually moved to more physical things like kissing and things just started snowballing everything went by so fast my memories became a blur. We were both so young and in a relationship for the first time. I can hardly remember the first time that we had sex except that I cried for days. I was I felt so shitty. To make things worse the sex was a huge letdown too. I had spent my whole life in anticipation of this mement and it was terrible. She did come once while she was on top of me but the entire thing was kind of clumsy and I couldn’t even feel it when I came. Whithin a couple months we had moved in together and the sex started getting better. I however, degenerated back into the depressed brooding little bastard I was before and my life went back to hell. she loves me so much and I just don’t care anymore. I don’t feel any of it. She absolutely worships me in every way, all she ever talks about is me and she would honestly die for me. Our sex life is now technically flawless, I usually give her between 5-10 G-spot orgasms before I’m overcome by an orgasm so strong I nearly pass out but when it’s over I’m still depressed and I’ve already forgotten the passion. Now I’m trying to break up with her because i want to feel love again and maybe a new relationship will provide that at least for a little while. She told me of all the girls in school who had been after me and helped me develope enough self confidence that I got over my shyness so I’m going to try and find some happiness in someone else. Maybe I should see a shrink I think I’ve got problems but right now i really need someone to talk to. My only friend is a nice guy but too fake for me to feel comfortable opening up to. I care about jenn so much I’ve been trying to slowly break up with her for about two months because I don’t want to hurt her. i’m starting to get really close now, I cry myself to sleep thinking about her. She’s still in love… Maybe I am too but I need some time away from her to sort myself out. i really wish I had someone to talk to.
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More love than lust
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