Where it happened: in my husband's arms
Langauge: English
Sex: Female
Rating: 8
Category: Straight
A penis entered my vagina on a regular basis beginning when I was 15. The first load of semen was deposited onto my abdomen, subsequently, into condoms. Yes, I experienced pleasurable sensations. My first time was with my husband after two children and ten years of marriage.
You see, my mother died of cancer when I was 15 and an only child. I would sit on my father’s lap in the TV room and we would both hold each other and cry. That’s how the molestation started and it progressed to outright intercourse. I was vulnerable and looked up to my father, depending upon him for love and protection. I wanted to comfort him but it nearly destroyed any chance of healthy sexual function I might have as an adult. My father needed his comfort but he should not have come to me. Not in that way, at any rate. He failed as a parent with that one wrong. I consider he has less presence in my life than my mother. Yes, he is beyond deceased.
I got into the practice of performing rather than enjoying sex. My boy friends and then my fiancee who became my husband thought I was a dream come true. But sex was a concert performance for me and when rough spots in our marriage came along, my husband looked to lovemaking to bring us closer together and it had the exact opposite effect. Our marriage survived but it was because I was lucky enough to have the most loving man a woman ever could ever hope for.
Prostitutes are into performing a concert rather than receiving bonding with their partner. I was a prostitute except I never made an explicit bargain and I certainly never countenanced doing it for money.
My husband went without sex with a partner for two years while I was in therapy and reprogrammed myself. After the two years, we deferred intercourse while we went through “sensate focusing” exercises. I am not the “fireball” in bed like I used to be but today my responses are honest and lovemaking now unites rather than divides my husband and me. Why this man saw me through this is something I will never understand. I just know I am really truly loved like no woman has ever been loved. Ten years after, I still have to catch myself from “performing” but I can bring myself back most times. Sometimes I have to interrupt my best friend and lover at the height of his pleasure because I have “lost it.” This is hard to do to a man you love with all your heart, but I have to avoid “slips” just as an alcoholic must. This is a sexual deficit that will remain with me for the rest of my life. There is no cure for me nor hope of cure.
I don’t expect a horny adolescent boy to understand the above but one thing he might figure out. When you are masturbating, don’t all your senses come alive? Even if you live in some super liberal family where people masturbate openly, your awareness of your surroundings heightens. By far the greater majority of us feel masturbation is a very private act. For a person to masturbate in front of his or her long-standing, committed sexual partner, to demonstrate effective stimulation is a special level of intimacy that goes far beyond intercourse or oral sex or most other activity.
I cannot believe that the father in #1751 made so little noise, that he came home undetected. If the girl wanted her father to discover her, why wasn’t she undressed? I masturbated to comfort myself when my mother was dying and after she was gone, and believe me it was more private than menstruation. I never considered it wrong–just private, something that was “profoundly mine.” Females are different from other females but not that different. Females and males are not that different either.
I thought this was to be about first times and not a place for pornographic fiction written by some boy who needs healthy fantasy while his social skills catch up with his hormones. Incest imposed by a parent is one of the most destructive things that can be done to a child. As my father took criminal comfort from me, I felt sensations of pleasure. That is how a woman’s nervous system is constructed but it sure messed up my mind.
Processing your request, Please wait....
