We had been together for nine months on and off and he promised he would never take my virginity if I was drunk. He wass older than me but wasn’t any more mature than I was. He always used to pressure me and sing that “Look at me I’m Sandra Dee” song from the movie Grease to me, replacing my name for hers, saying I was prude, even though we had done everything besides have intercourse at that point. I don’t really remember the night very clearly. I know we had been drinking and we had gone to bed, which was normal because I slept at his apartment often. We were messing around and he placed himself between my legs. He had done this many times before, placing his penis on my vagina, without penetrating. Being sober it wasn’t hard to stop him, but I was drunk enough that I didn’t realize what was going on. I guess it just felt normal because I was so comfortable with him. The only thing I really remember is feeling like I was being pulled inside out. When I realized what was going on it didn’t really matter to me anymore. I know that he came quickly and afterwards we tried to do it again, even though it didn’t feel good the first time, but he couldn’t get it in because I was dry as a bone. The next day I went to a concert with my friends and I didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t even tell my best friend for 2 weeks because I was so ashamed. He dumped me three months later, but we continued to sleep together because I thought I loved him. Today the thought of being with him makes me sick. I wish I had lost my virginity to somebody deserving of it.
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