Where it happened: My Office
Langauge: English
Sex: Female
Rating: 1
Category: Straight
Kitty, if you feel violated, then you were. But it is not
a guilt you have to carry around with you. At the very
bottom, loving, sexual loving, is not supposed to be a
thing to frighten you, but it should be a way to give the
most private part of yourself to a person for whom you
deeply care. If Lu was not that person, then let it go.
There is no way you can change the past no matter what you
do. But you did nothing wrong. You were trying not to hurt
someone else and so took on the pain of this encounter for
yourself. The fact that Lu later dumped on you should tell
you that she was not strong enough to deal with the power
of intimacy.
When you find the right person, of whatever sex, you will
not feel fear, but joy at the possibility of giving and
receiving the most private of gifts. And remember, there
is a difference between having sex and making love. When
you make love it is the greatest physical joy a human can
know. Lu did not want to make love to you and that’s
what you felt in your heart. Had it been right, you would
have known it.
Being straight or begin gay is not as important as being a
person who can give love to another human being. If you
are straight, the a gay relationship will never be right to
you. But if you were gay, no straight relationship would
satisfy you.
Don’t beat yourself up. Let go of what is past; you can’t
change it no matter what you do, anyway. Let the past
remain there. Deal with now and the future. Be a loving,
giving person and the future will take care of itself. It’s
very true that it’s more important to “become” the right
person (a good, loving person) than to “find” the right
person. Your “becoming” will make the “finding” happen.
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