I always thought that my first time was going to be with my first serious boyfriend, matt. but the fact is that we broke up after going out for almost s. after breaking up with what seemed to be the love of my life, i went through a terrible messy realtionship about 3 months after i recovered from my heartache. we broke up and soon after that i met my boyfriend(now) james. we fell for eachother hard… but we ended up losing touch while he went on to university.
that summer i met Blair. it was almost as if i wasnt supposed to meet him… but i did anyway. he was hanging out of the window of his friends’ truck while i was sitting in the backseat of a neon watching and listening to him shout at me and my friends. a week later, we were going out. a week and a half goes by and he already wants something from me.
so whatever, Blair 0 years old. I was being naive thinking that it was okay going out with someone that was older than me, even though he intimidated me so much i didnt know whether or not to just go with it or run away.
the night i lost my virginity started out pretty normal. we went to a late movie. got home around 2AM. Blair was always up and ready to go, all i had to say was when. of course he was all into it already cause he was talking to me dirty at the movies… so we got back to my house and as soon as i got into the house i was on the stairs while he rubbed me off, starting to take off my pants and feel around for something he wanted.
i didnt really want to do it. i felt as if i should, for some fucked up reason. but i got into it…
next thing i know, we’re on my bed and all my clothes are off. hes on top of me, naked and putting himself in me. i felt an incredible surge of pain when he tried breaking me in. i have never felt pain like this before. i was fine with fingering but this thing was so thick and huge my little insides felt like they were being torn from one side to the other. there i was, having painful sex with a guy that i had only been dating for a month and a half almost. i felt incredibly hurt… even though he was being pretty gentle with me, i couldnt help but cry. i tried elevating myself… maybe trying to get it to ease a little. he kept kissing my forehead, as if i was a child and he couldnt kiss my mouth. finally he kissed me, sweetly and i tried to enjoy it a bit. i knew that my first time would be painful, but i didnt think that it would be like that. i also didnt think that i would end up having sex with Blair.
We broke up 9 days after this happened. He used me… abused my free will.
I ended up getting back in touch with James. And i have never felt a feeling like i feel with James. I do love him, he just doesnt know that i do cause i dont speak it with words. I hadnt came with any of the guys ive ever been with and when James made me cum i couldnt believe how much we were missing out when we were in the relationships from hell. i dont know how any girl could ever pass up the opportunity to be with James but im sure glad that they did cause now i will forever make him happy, as much as he makes me. Indeed, once James and I have our first “rounds” in a couple of days… you’ll be hearing from me again 🙂 my first “real” time with someone that i adore so much.
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Blair
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