I remember it like it was yesterday. Never mind that it was s ago. I had rented a beach house with my girlfriends on Fire Island in New York. I knew all my guy friends were renting a house over on Fire Island, so when my friend “Sue” asked if I wanted to go in on the girls house, I was all for it. How could I not. Partying and laying on the beach for 6 weeks sounded GREAT to me.
I had the hots for a guy whom I’ll call “Steve”. We had known each other for a while since we went to middle and high school together. We had been hanging out with each other and had fooled around a bit before I rented the beach house, but never went all the way. It got to point where I lived and breathed “Steve”. It’s funny, because in 10th grade I KNEW that he was going to be my first. Don’t ask how I knew, but I did.
Anyway, our start date for the house came up and we all went over there and probably had the best 6 weeks of our lives. I never had been so tan in my life. It was so great to be with my girlfriends and have all the guys right across the walkway from us, as it turned out. “Steve” was not part of the guys house, but was over there constantly since he was best friends with them. I know my friend “Sue” and her sister “Stacey” knew what was going on with “Steve” and I. The 3 of us had crushes on different guys, who all happen to be over at Fire Island that summer. We spoke about how much we liked them, how we wanted to sleep with them, etc. “Stacey” and myself were both virgins, but “Sue” was not. I finally told them one afternoon, while we were sitting in their bedroom, that I was going to finally sleep with “Steve”. They thought it was an awesome idea. Both of them knowing that I was a virgin thought it would be a good idea that I tell him that I was a virgin. I thought it was a so-so idea, I was scared to death that he would think I was a freak. I mean who1 was STILL a virgin. Besides, wasn’t it MY business only??? They asked when I was going to do it and I told them as soon as possible.
Well it turns out that we decided to have a HUGE 4th of July party at the beach house. It seemed like our entire town from home had come out. It was fantastic. My friend “Diane” had come over too. She was in a trial separation with her husband, so she needed some fun. I met her at the ferry and told her my plans for what I hoped would be that night.
Anyway, we’re all having a blast and the next thing I know is “Steve” walks through my door. I was so excited cause I wasn’t sure if he’d show up. Our friend, “Kevin” was with him. Looked like “Diane” and “Kevin” we really hitting it off. So the 4 of us decided to go to one of the 2 local bars, which was walking distance from the house. “Steve” and I held hands as did “Kevin” and “Diane”. We were having drinks and dancing and having a great old time when I noticed that “Diane” and “Kevin” were no where to be found. “Steve” and I decided that we would go back to the guys house since we BOTH knew what was going to happen. As we were walking, we saw two silhouettes in the distance. It was “Diane” and “Kevin”. “Diane” whispered to me that there was a free bedroom at the house and that everyone was still at our house, across the walkway, at the party. I found that to be a relief since I didn’t want any interruptions. I wanted this to be really special. As I said before I lived and breathed this guy.
We walked into the house and started to make a little idle chit chat, had a few more drinks and made our way to the empty bedroom. “Steve” closed to door behind us as I sat on one of the twin beds in the dark. He came over to me and we started to kiss. The kisses were so awesome. I’m not sure if it was so awesome because I knew what I was going to do or just because I loved him so much (or so I thought at the time). Soon he began to gently take my clothes off. I was in sheer heaven. I slowly began to take his clothes off. First his shirt, then his jeans, finally is boxer briefs. As we lay in each others arms, kissing deep passionate kisses, I stopped for a minute, looked up at him and with all my courage told him I was a virgin. He looked at me and said, “May be I shouldn’t be where I am”. I told him that I wanted to do it and wanted it to be him more than anything in the world. He quietly said “OK”. We kissed again and then I told him to go easy. As he entered me it felt a little awkward, but there was no pain. We continued to kiss and move around together. Then before I knew it, it was all over. I guess for a I thought, “that’s all there is”. Probably like a million other girls, but still, at the same time, thought it was probably the best thing I ever did. There was no orgasm or fireworks going off, but it was so special to me. As we lay side by side afterward, I remember saying in my head over and over as I looked at him, “I love you “Steve”, I love you “Steve”.
We woke the next morning to a beautiful sunny day. We got dressed and I told him to come over and I’d make him breakfast. He said he’d be there in a little bit. I walked into my house where “Sue” and Stacey” were waiting for me. I told them that “Stacey” was now the only virgin left of the 3 of us. They wanted to know the whole story, which I told them. They thought it was awesome and wondered, as did I, what would happen now with “Steve” and I.
As it turns out, we went our separate ways about a year after that. I realized that I really wasn’t IN love with him, but loved him, if you know what I mean.
I just recently found out that he’s getting married. When I heard it from my friends mouth, my stomach dropped and immediately began to cry. God only knows why. It’s been at least s since I’ve seen him, but I NEVER stopped thinking about him. So may be I’m wrong, may be I was really in love with him and that I should have told him. I guess I’ll never know how he really felt about me either. As it stands now……….it was just a wonderful memory that I will NEVER forget.
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Beth Anne
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