Where it happened: Rose Parade
Langauge: English
Sex: Female
Rating: 1
Category: Straight
R and I had been dating for 6 months. We had been “doing stuff” for about 4 of those months. And those 4 months we had spent 250 miles away, as I was away at school… But we were lucky enough to see each other about once a month.
So here it was, Xmas break. We hadn’t had sex before, because both of us had wanted to save myself for marriage. But about 2 days before New Years’, we were out on a date, fooling around in the backseat of his car, and he went a little too far. Although he didn’t penetrate me all the way, he made me bleed a little…
So I thought for a couple of days about what we had done, and I decided that it wasn’t going to happen again.
On New Years’ Eve we went to the Rose Parade in Pasadena, CA, with a bunch of friends. I told him that day what had happened a few nights before, how far we had gone. Both of us agreed that we weren’t going to let it happen again. Ha. Famous last words.
So here it was, night time, with a few thousand people camped on the sidewalks in Pasadena, waiting for the parade the next day. There were 8 of us in the group, 6 of us who were paired off in couples. So the couples were snuggling under blankets and in sleeping bags, doing whatever, oblivious to the outside world. In our sleeping bag, R and I were doing what we’d done many times before–touching, playing, exploring, enjoying. Eventually he rolled on top of me and we continued what we had been doing. Well, it got closer and closer to midnight, and we were getting hornier and hornier. Slowly, my hand directed him closer and closer to me, and then he slowly slowy eased into me. He went to slowly, and I was so wet, that it didn’t hurt at all… Soon he was all the way in, and we just lay there, holding each other, breathing hard. Outside, we heard a bunch of yelling and honking, then more yelling as people started counting down the New Year–“10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!” He
looked down at me, kissed me, and said “K, I love you…” I told him I loved him, and we held each other, reveling in the moment… After a while (prob about 10 min.) of just kissing and pausing just to look at each other and hold each other, i told him “move a little”. So he started moving slowly, up and down… After a couple of minutes of this, he said “I’m going to come” and pulled out of me, and came on the sleeping bag. Then he moved his hand down and touched me until I came too. Then we just lay there, holding each other, loving each other.
The next morning, we lay in the sleeping bag and talked about what had happened. We decided that I would go on the Pill and we would continue doing it.
So I went on the Pill, and the next time he could get up to school to see me, we were ready. So we crawled into bed, but this time was different… We really rushed it, and before i knew it he was in me, and it HURT this time… And it hurt the whole weekend he was up there, and the next weekend that I went down to see him (2 weeks later.) But it stopped hurting after a while, and we figured out what we were doing, and we had some good sex. We were good at it, if I do say so myself…
In May we broke up, because we both had changed, and I didn’t like the way he had changed. I’m over him now, but not over the relationship yet…. It was by far the most serious relationship of my entire life. About a month after we broke up, he began dating, then sleeping with, this gothic chick… She threatened to kill me if I interfered with their relationship. She’s scary, and he’s changed–grew his hair out, no longer shaves or showers on a regular basis… He worries me, makes me sad, but I can’t do anything about it… At about the same time, I began dating, then sleeping with, the guy who was my best friend. This is now a move I regret… Although I love A, i’m not attracted to him… And he loves me, and wants to marry me. So I don’t know what to do. But we are still going out–I saw him this weekend, and we made love… And the sex is good, but there is an emptiness inside me, and I don’t know what causes it…
Sigh. The ironic thing is that now my ex lives a floor above me. When school started, we stayed up one night talking, and somehow eventually ended up in bed. I think it was a combination of extreme lonliness on both our parts, and horniness… More lonliness than horniness. We started to have sex, but then stopped, because neither of us would let ourselves finish… So we lay in bed and held each other and talked. For one night, it was like our relationship was back again… Then I left early the next morning, and everything was back to normal–him being rude to me, and being weird…
Now he sees his girlfriend a lot (she lives 250 miles away, where he used to live) and I see my boyfriend about once a month…
I don’t know what i’m doing. I don’t want a relationship right now. I’m so confused… Sex is meaningless right now. And that hurts, because it should be an act full of meaning and love and committment.
Anyway, I’m going to sign off now, and try to sort out my life.
Thanks for reading this far….
11-1-98
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