nancy

The first time for me was only after a couple of tries. All with the same boy. He was 14 and I was 12. He was a friend of my brother’s and I didn’t know him that well. He lived about 50 miles aaway but our parents were old friends and they would take turns in driving to visit for the day every 6 months or so. The parents liked to talk and would send the kids outside. This time my brother Brian was away and only the two of us were left. His name was Gary. We lived on a farm and and he lived in the city, and when our parents sent us out he said would I take him to see the pigs. So were walked up the track, about 1/4 mile, and looked at all the pigs. Not a big deal. Then we sat down on the grass near some trees and talked about stuff. Mainly what our schools were like. He was sitting in front of me and I started to see he was looking under my dress. You should know I was brought up very strict, told my mother everything, well almost, and the first thought I had was that I should tell her what he was doing and that he would be punished. But I also felt a bit excited. At school, there were two girls who had told some of us they had done IT, had sex, with older boys and what it was like and how the rest of us should try it. I was shocked but also as I think back curious and I had NOT told my mother about that.

Anyway I moved so he couldn’t see anything. And he said “why did you do that? I was enjoying seeing under there. And nobody knows.” And to my amazement all I said was “allright” and opened my legs a bit for him. My heart was really beating and I thought my mother would suddenly appear. But she didn’t. Then I couldn’t stand it and I got up and looked all around. But there was just us. And the pigs. “Can we go somewhere that’s not in the open?” he said. In the trees there was a favorite place of mine where I would often go just to be alone. So I took him there. On the way I suddenly turned to him and said ”I know what you want to do.” “Have you done it?” he asked. I shook my head. “All the kids in my class have,” he said. That confused me. ALL? “Some in my class have too” I said. We stopped in my little clearing and sat down. I was getting a bit scared. But I spread my legs aagain. He looked under. “Take them down then” he said. I paused. I both did and didn’t want to do IT, really. “Just down to my knees, then” I said. “No, all the way off” he said. That wa shis mistake. It was a bit much. I just shook my head and he just said nothing. It was as if we couldn’t quite make the move. “Would you like to see mine first?” he said I shook my head and started back up the path. He followed. As we came out into the sunshine I started to feel a bit mad. Maybe I did want to do it after all. I pushed at him, partly in play and partly annoyed. He grabbed me and tripped me over onto the ground. I lay there on my back and looked up at him. I wasn’t hurt, I was waiting for him to do something. To me. Later, much later, I realised I was hoping he would do it. To me, so we could do it but somhow it wouldn’t be my fault. It was something he would do TO me. But he just stood there. And I think he was afraid too, maybe of forcing me to do someting, when that was exactly what I was feeling I wanted.

It was very complicated. And we went inside the house. I remember thinking “they” didn’t know or suspect anything. And then I really regretted missing out. I should have just taken my panties off when he asked. But I just couldn’t and now was mad.

I’ve told about the time it didn’t happen in detail, because the next visit, a few weeks later, when we visited them, it did happen, and it seemed easy and natural. As if we both knew what we wanted and it happened without talking almost. “Want to go and do it this time?” “OK.” And I took my panties off and he pulled out his penis. And we tried it. And it sort of worked. It was fumbly and for me not as good as it was when I was older, but he got it in. I felt a bit wet and sore later. And we went back to the adults with secret thoughts we kept to ourselves. And we really didn’t see much of each other after that. Anbd the scene that haunts me is not so much actually fucking but the almost-happened occasion, when I learnt my mother and God wouldn’t strike me dead, didn’t have to know everything and I could do it. And also that boys sometimes don’t quite know what girls really want.

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