Where it happened: His apartment
Langauge: English
Sex: Female
Rating: 5
Category: Straight
My first time having sex will definitely be a memorable one, not because it was completely terrible, painful, and uncomfortable, but because right after, I got my period and I was writhing in pain from my severe menstrual cramps.
My first time was anything but romantic. There were no rose petals on the bed, no candles, no music, nothing, nada, zippo, zilch. My boyfriend, he’s a strange guy. There are times when I feel he really likes me and other times when I feel he’s just frustrated with me. He’s the “I always gotta be right, things gotta go my way” kinda guy. He’s never pressured me to have sex, but as we got closer it became imperative that he must have it. We were lying in bed and he wanted to fool around. I didn’t. So he said “I either want to A, close my eyes and sleep, or B, fool around.” It was like an ultimatum, at least to me anyway. I wanted to cuddle or at least talk to him. So after being in complete silence for a good 15 minutes, I got frisky with him and he immediately woke up. Sad, I know. The whole time I knew where this was heading. I “felt” like I was ready, but I guess I wasn’t. I was on the top, he was on the bottom. He did all the work and I was in so much pain. It did not feel good at all. I could not relax. I was so scared because he knows how I feel about sex. I am terrified of becoming pregnant or contacting a disease. So what does genius boy do? He has sex with me; no condom. I was scared out of my mind, but the whole time he was telling me it would be all right and just consoling me through it. I have immense trust in him. If he promised I was going to be all right, I trusted him and even then I was still scared. I held back my tears because the whole thing just felt wrong. It was not how I pictured it at all. I, at least, wanted him to tell me he loved me before we had sex, but that never happened. Afterwards, when I got off, he got on top. It was like playing naked twister. Not to sound vulgar, but he managed to stick his penis everywhere, but inside me. He’s had sex before, but it was amateur status. (I’m not saying I’m an expert, I mean, how am i supposed to know? I kinda just wanted my first time to be more “Sex-like” and less of the funky chicken.) We tried different positions but none worked. He finally stopped and looked into my eyes and said, “I’m so nervous.” He went to take a shower and left me to get dressed. I started silently bawling because I felt violated. I felt lost. I just had sex, no condom and had the possibility of being pregnant and with god knows what diseases. He knew how I felt about it and he did it regardless. I felt broken. He came out of the shower and I quickly composed myself so it didn’t look like I was crying. He was talking to me nonchalantly whilst I bottled the tears. I ended up saying “I need some air.” He called out to me and I walked out of the apartment. I cried for 10 minutes outside. I heard him dragging his sandals and again, I composed myself. He looked at me and knew I was crying. He said “what’s wrong, baby?” in a troubled tone with a consternated look on his face. I said “its fine.” He said “Don’t say that to me. I know you’re not.” and he brought me in for a hug, but I didn’t hug back. I heard him whisper “I hope I didn’t fuck this up.” We got into the car and we were silent. I decided to lighten up the mood by saying, “Well, THAT was an experience.” He chuckled and looked at me. He asked, “Are you all right? How are you?” I simply said, “I’m cool.” He cocked his eyebrow and said, “Mel, in the 4 months we have been going out, you have never said “its cool” to me. I know you’re lying.” I repeated, “It’s cool.” He sighed, “You don’t have to be so mature about this. I don’t want you to be something you are not. If you want to yell at me, scream, beat me, then do it. This isn’t the Mel I really like.” He always makes gags about my age because he is 21 and I am 18 and always calls me a baby so I said, “I guess I just don’t want to seem like a baby.” “You are not a baby,” He said looking sternly at me. I stayed quiet, grabbed his hand and 10 minutes later, i began bawling quietly. He pulled the car over and brought me in for a hug. “I’m so stupid,” he said. I told him exactly how I felt about him. He told me how he felt. I really wanted to say “I love you,” but I never did because I was afraid of being rejected. I might never get the chance again. And I don’t think he’ll ever say it to me.
Despite my terrible funky chicken impression of sex, at the end of it all, it was everything I wanted it to be. I really love him, despite my fear of telling him and I trust him with my life. That’s all that really matters. If it’s anything I have learned from having sex or making love, it’s this: make sure you do it with someone you love and someone you feel close to. Your first time only happens, once so make it count.
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