Where it happened: Joel's Room
Langauge: English
Sex: Female
Rating: 5
Category: Straight
We were both virgins and very nervous. Joel and I had been dating for four months and we both felt the social pressure to “do it” after the winter dance. He seemed odd at the dance and he sort of ignored me. This scared me because I thought I loved him, I didn’t want to lose him, so I asked him to have sex with the hope that he would stop ignoring me. He stopped ignoring me and was set on leaving the dance as soon as possible. The drive to his house was awkward and when we got there we played a few games of scrabble. We were both unsure of what we should do.
I had this beautiful white dress on and he asked me to keep it on during. He took off his shirt, I took off my panties, and he unzipped his pants. We both had trouble putting the condom on, but we eventually figured it out. He started slow, and it hurt me. I didn’t want him to know it hurt me, because I wanted him to enjoy it. I felt so close to him, I remember his exact facial expressions during. I remember him looking in my eyes. I remember him kissing my forehead or asking if I was ok. It was soft and slow and I really felt loved.
After, Joel just layed on me. He got up and I fixed myself up and I asked him if he loved me. He nodded and smiled, but he didn’t say it. I told him and he just looked in my eyes then kissed my forehead.
On school at Monday I felt like everyone knew. Joel felt the same way, that’s when he started yelling at me or making fun of me. I began feeling like I wasn’t good enough for him and he began telling me I wasn’t. That Wednesday he broke up with me. He said he was afraid that his parents would find out and it would be best if we just “took a break”. I felt like a part of me died, I still feel that way five years later.
Joel was my first and the only person I have ever felt true intimacy with. I guess a fresh canvas is easier to paint on.
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