Basically, I’m just letting off some steam, so if you wanna jerk of, you should definitely go on to the next story.
Okay so here goes…..
At the end of 7th grade, I was traumatized by the end of my first relationship. At that age I was extremely mature, both intellectually and physically (sigh, I supose I have to give the sizes….35-25-35),and attracted the attentions of much older boys. One particular boy I fell head over heels for…His name was Brian. He was the most amazing person I have ever met to this day…he was gorgeous, kind, incredibly smart, the lead in a band, religious–I honestly don’t know how he held it all together!! He was also very rugged and punkish, which was my favorite kind of guy (I hate preps!). Basically we were soulmates…except for the fact that he and a half years older than me! I guess we never really had a relationship because he was very moral and knew he couldn’t go out with me, so we just talked most of the time about what it would be like if we could be together. Even so, I was heartbroken when he moved 500 miles away. Summer was miserable and at the begining of 8th grade when I got asked out by some freshman named Brandon I had never even met, I was anxious to go on a date. So I went to a dance with him and it was obvious he had been obsessing over me for quite sometime. He wasn’t very cute, certainly not the blond-haired, blue-eyed guy my heart belonged to. We liked the same type of music (sort of) and he was really nice. Even though he was preppy and a major athelete, I decided to be his girlfriend I guess because I was just so lonely. So we became best friends after a couple of months and then the sex issue came up. We began fooling around every chance we got, never actual sex, but everything else. His parents found out and they got increasely weird by the day. They would rearrange his schedule and make sure he barely got to see or call me. I finally got him to come over to my house one day and we had sex on my basement floor. It really sucked…I never felt anything, it wasn’t romantic, and he only lasted about 2 and a half minutes (The next day, I got this e-mail from Brian saying how I should stay a virgin for him, when he married me. I cried for hours). Brandon’s ‘rents got even more uptight and because he was the biggest mama’s boy in the world, we basically fought over it everyday. We broke up a couple times, but I was so desperate not to be lonely that I called him and begged him to come back. We officially broke up a week ago and I haven’t heard from him since…so when it comes right down to it, I not only got my heart broken twice, but by losing my virginty in the way I did, I also lost my dignity and the only person I really ever loved…Brian. I don’t believe in abstinence…but I do believe in love. Make sure your first time is special and with someone you love. I never really thought my virginty was that important, but now that I’m alone with nothing but this horrible memory of being fucked on the cold hard basement floor in midafternoon, I wish with all my heart that I had been in love and had a memory I would cherish throughout my entire life. Don’t fuck, people, make love!!!
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