Where it happened: in her bed
Langauge: English
Sex: Male
Rating: 5
Category: Straight
My first real serious girl friend and I were getting pretty close to it. She was not at the point where she would do anything for me but was letting me do any thing I wanted with my hands. One night I got her to go into an orgasm. She wouldn’t say so but I knew she enjoyed it. I just let it go and for a a month or so, I continued giving her orgasms without pressing the issue.
My patience paid off when she admitted I deserved to get some satisfaction and she felt bad about doing all the receiving. She finally owned up that putting her hand on my penis was just too disgusting for her. It had to do with it being what I urinated with. It didn’t matter that there shouldn’t be a single trace of urine on the outside. It also didn’t matter that I didn’t mind handling what she urinated with.
I had never pressed her to go all the way since I figured until she would give me lesser satisfaction, I had no hope of the ultimate thing. Without my ever bringing it up, she volunteered to go all the way but I would have to wait until prom night because then was when all the kids did it. I also had to use a rubber, keep my mouth shut afterwards, take a bath right before we went to bed, no strawberries, turn out the lights, not mess up her hair or make-up, no perversions, be gentle, rent a motel out of town, be home before it got light, and a whole bunch of other things. There was absolutely no problem with all the requirements except one. They were all pretty much a given if you loved the girl and took the relationship seriously. Heck, I was even thinking of popping the big question if we stayed together into senior year. The one thing was we were to do “it” without her having to touch “down there” with her hands.
I figured I could wait if I was going to get it willingly. As for the touching, it doesn’t matter if you are getting the “real thing.” So we continued along with me having to take care of myself after I got home.
My downfall came the last time I went over to mow my girl friend’s lawn. There was just her alcoholic, divorced mother at home. When I was done, she offered me some punch which was in a large glass pitcher full of ice and dripping with condensation.. I didn’t think about it being laced with alcohol since it was before lunch. It wasn’t accidental on her part as she had a clean glass all ready for me on the verandah. I kind of knew after I had gulped down the second glass. It tasted so good that I accepted a third. I was sixteen and I didn’t drink. Kids just didn’t drink in the sixties, not like today.
I don’t really remember any pleasure from my first time. I vaguely remember doing the sex but not what it felt like. What I really remember was my girl’s face when she saw me and her mother in bed together. I had fallen asleep and had woken up completely disoriented with my girl weeping. I was naked in bed with a naked old woman who I had no respect for. She was a woman in her forties whose appearance was lost years ago for what I later realized were the effects of years of alcoholism, poor nutrition, and too much sun. I wanted to comfort my girl and explain what happened but that was out of the question because she would have nothing at all to do with me after that.
Recently I got referred to a support group for men who were sexually abused by other men which I didn’t think applied to me when I first went. I was really amazed and it helped the others in the group to find out how much I had in common with them.
What happened to me was no better than a middle-aged man getting a sixteen year old girl drunk and taking her to bed. It doesn’t matter what the genders are, adults should not have sex with minors. I don’t mean to imply in any way that sex between males is acceptable but exploitation of young people is absolutely evil and the evil is totally on the part of the adult doing the exploiting. What does matter is this wrong idea that males always should be take responsibility for the situation no matter how young they are.
I lost most of my self-respect. It wasn’t so much that I had blown it with my girl but I doubted my own morality. After I got into the workaday world, I heartlessly threw away my next love affair for no better reason than the woman was completely at ease with her body and mine. If I didn’t have doubts about my own morality, I would have been able to accept a future she was enthusiastically offering me.
I see now that I have had a lifetime pattern of desiring women who were not “lady-like” enough to marry and not desiring women who were. In addition, this group challenged me to re-think my notions of what was normal lady-like behavior. They also raised my suspicion that the girl who found my sexual parts “dirty” might have been sexually abused herself.
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