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Still confused.

Age when it happend: 28
Where it happened: His house/living room.
Langauge: English
Sex: Female
Rating: 7
Category: Straight

A little about myself. I was known as a wallflower, as my parents would put it. I could be that I was a middle child (two older sisters and two older brothers), but it seemed to me that from the age of 12 on, I was a real loser. I was shy, skinny to a fault, I had freckles, and kind of frizzy hair. Absoulutley nothing to brag about. While my sibblings were good looking, athletes, musicians, or just perfect. The only thing I had going was my good grades in school. My mom used to tell my that I had the prettiest features and that one day I would blossom into a thing of beauty. She never mentioned that I would be 24 when it would happen. She seemed to be the only one who ever gave me a compliment except for Gus, our neighbor and my father’s friend.

Gus was younger than my father about ten years. He was a very good friend to my father. About 18 years older than me. He would always be there to help him out when the plumming backed up, or the cars needed repair, or a fence needed to be built. Anyway, he was also very kind to me. He always had a compliment for me. Sometimes, when one of my sibblings would do something noteworthy, Gus would always make a point of saying something nice to me.

As it turned out, I just kept my nose the the school books, and the next thing you know I’m 24 years old, still living at home and working on another college degree. At this point in my life I have blossomed! I filled out, my hair straghtened and I guess you could say that I was very pretty. I was getting alot of pick up lines and phone calls and was just not interested in guys, although they seemed very interested in me. I’d been on a couple of dates but ended up fighting off advances. They thought that If I’m 24 I must be a sex hound or something. The fact was I was still a virgin. A virgin, interested only in getting my doctorate degree in geophysics.

About two years later, I was working at a geo lab and still living at home and going to school. One day my father told my that Gus was having some hard times. He had lost his job, his wife and he were having problems and his father had passed away. I felt terrible. Gus had been the only constant positive aspect of my life since I was a child. I knew I should at least let him know he was in my thoughts. I went over to his home and I just so happened that his wife had just left the night before. I could see that he had been crying and that he was making an attempt for my not to notice. I gave him a big hub and told him that I and my whole family was there for him. We had some tea and talked. During our conversation he mentioned how he had always liked me and that he had even imagined us being together sexually, once I became a woman. This mad me very uncomfortable. Especially since I knew nothing about intimacy. He then stood up and walked towards me on the couch, leaned over and kissed me. On the mouth. This had never happened before. I knew it was wrong and that I must leave, but the sadness in his eyes and the fact that he wouldn’t let go made me stay. He continued kissing me then he began fondling me like I had never felt before. I wanted to leave. And I definitely didn’t want relations with him, but I couldn’t walk away. I wanted to make him feel better. So I let him take my virginity away. I was very confused. I remember the pain of his penis entering me but I was feeling good that I had comforted him as he had so often comforted me during my hard times. As you can tell I am still very confused about this. Sometimes I feel that I just gave him a “pitty fuck”, and sometimes I feel that he knew enough about me to take advantage of me. Sometimes I feel dirty about it and sometimes I feel good. I wish my first time would have been with someone I loved, not just felt sorry for.

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