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Tonisha

Age when it happend: 17
Where it happened: Traveller's Inn
Langauge: English
Sex: Male
Rating: 6
Category: Straight

I was 17 years old. I had graduated that lovely spring day in May. Later that night my girlfriends and I went to a party at one of the local in-city colleges. There I met Lawrence A., a tall, muscular, feircely handsome, dark-skinned fella – with a dimpled smile that coulde melt blocks of cheese. He was an Airmen in the Air Force and was temporarily stationed in my town for Tech School. All his civilian friends called him “L”. He asked me out and we went from there.

I was a virgin and I immediately made it clear to him that I was waitng for marriage. I believe that he respected how I felt, despite the fact that he was not one himself.

We dated the whole summer long – fun days and romantic nights. We spend a lot of time talking about everything; marriage, family, kids, two-car garages, his hometown in Michigan, my town – LIFE. We grew very close (all this without sex, thus far.) “L” was actually my first REAL boyfriend. Toward the summer though, it seemed as though we hurried to see where we were going – That fall, I was headed 100 miles south for college.

We talked about sex often and we fondled and petted quite a bit. He usually carried a condom with him. Sometimes he would say, “I really wish that I could make love to you; to show you how nice it could be.” I was still not daunted. I wanted marriage, not instant gratification.

So by summer’s end, we committed to one another and off to school I went. I came back to town for the first few weekends. “L” could not come down to see me because Airmen have to work themselves up thru different levels of priviledge. We filled up the weekends with romance and endless talk – many times about marriage.

Near mid September he had finally gotten to a level where he could go beyond 100 miles of the base. It was exactly 3 days before my 18th birthday, “L” came down to pick me up, I was especially proud. We talked for the entire 100 miles back to town. He had gotten us a room at the Travellar’s Inn not far from base. I didn’t bother to let anyone know I was in town this time.

Well he and I were in bed and we got to petting and rubbing and kissing and fondling one another and I guess I found out why that type of situation is dangerous if you’re trying to abstain from premarital sex…. I lost my inhabitions and told him that I was ready. he said ,” Ready…re…re… you are? Are you sure?” I said yes. He then says, “I don’t have a rubber. I stopped carrying them. I’ll have to run to the store.” So into the night he ran excited, child-like, exhuberant. As for me, I layed in the dark; miserable, scared, wondering if I was doing the right thing.

Well he came back and all the anxiety overwhelmed me, the moistness of my genitals dried up, and fear griped me. I wanted to change my mind so badly, but I did not want to disappoint him because he had ran so boyishly to get the condom, and he truly seemed to love me. So I did it, and damn it hurt so much. He went slow as I forced a smile on my face – praying that he would hurry up instead. He held me close afterward and he just kept asking me if I was alright. I told him blankly, “No I’m not.” He just layed quietly and held me tighter. I cried a little, but he didn’t really know why – I had just walked down a road that you can not turn around on and reverse direction. I had GIVEN away my gift – one of the most important parts of myself, and far too easily.

Anyway, “L” and I slept together maybe 10 more times after that. He got stationed in another state. I flew to spend Christmas with him and 8 months later I got a “Dear John” letter near the aniversary of my deflowering – ironic isn’t it?

The night that I lost my virginity was, to say the least, one of the most regretable times of my life. I have felt like something was missing. Blessedly I figured that out and tried to fill it with good, positive things that truly satisfy – not with more meaningless sex.

Incidently, I am now married with two beautiful children. As for “L”, he was a good man and I did write him back and tell him no hard feelings – I just pray he’s not still trying to fill himself up.


T.L.H

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