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At least it’s past

Age when it happend: 18
Where it happened: His house
Langauge: English
Sex: Female
Rating: 5
Category: Straight

I was 18 and my persistent crush had landed on a guy whose last name was Farmer, which is what people called him. He was funny, had kept good girlfriends, and would have been attractive if not short and chubby. We had hung out over the summer after I graduated and I asked him to be my boyfriend, something I would never do now and consider insecure and desperate. He laughed and said he’d be my boyfriend. He then moved to a town 30 minutes away and I didn’t hear from him much.

Eventually I went to visit him on the weekend before I moved away for college. I drove to the restaurant he worked at with a good friend of his; Farmer stole a bottle of Jack Daniels from the bar and met us at his house later that night. I agreed to take shots of the whiskey, which the dudes at the house poured for me into a big red plastic cup. Farmer’s friend later told me I drank 10-12 shots of whiskey that night.

I recall sitting on the floor to the side of where Farmer was sitting. Someone made a joke or something and I laughed and looked up at Farmer. He leaned down and touched his forehead to mine and said something along the lines of “you want me I know you want me looking at me like that” and then he picked me up and held me against the door to his bedroom kissing me.

He opened the door to the bedroom and took me in. We kissed and he said I want to fuck you and I said “I want to but . . .” which was the start of what I usually said–“I want to but I’m a virgin so I can’t.” I didn’t protest enough and he put it in me, although whether because I was so drunk or for other unnamable reasons I don’t recall feeling anything except the vague sense that we were having sex. I passed out during, then woke up and said “I don’t want to have sex” and he said “but I already started” and I said “please put on a condom” and as he did his girlfriend at the time opened the door to the bedroom, said “Oh my God,” and walked out, which is when I found out he had a girlfriend. He finished, I slept for another hour or two, then woke up and vomitted in the toilet for a couple of hours, during which time one of his roommates came to the door of the bedroom and said “hey [my first name], why don’t you come back next week and fuck me and Eddie.”

Farmer was nice enough to me the next morning and came to visit me once at college, but mostly because there was a concert he wanted to see. I didn’t have anyone I could call a boyfriend for the next four years. Thanks for reading, this was somewhat cathartic, and please teach young women to say no, say it loudly, and please listen when it’s said.

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