I was the kind of woman in college that never partied, didn’t have many friends, and studied alot. I met my boyfriend freshman year after my roommate (also a big studier) introduced us as her new boyfriends best friend. He was tall and liked sports (I didn’t), and he was a slacker in his schoolwork. He drank, but didn’t really party.
We started fooling around on spring break at his parents house, only a week after we first met. He liked to rub my breasts, and I put my hand down his pants and massaged him alot. We knew his parents were downstairs, and point his father knocked on the door and told him to keep the door open! We were embarrased, but we started going out anyway.
We tried different things – I liked it when he used his tongue on my clit, and he loved my blow jobs.
I didn’t know it at the time, but his penis was HUGE. ENORMOUS. Not exceedingly long, but very thick.
We eventually tried to have sex over about a 1 month period, but we just couldn’t get the condom on. I had read everywhere and heard multiple times that “A condom will fit on Any penis, don’t let the guy tell you otherwise just because he doesn’t want to use it”. But I’m telling you, this thing would NOT go on. Even different brands from the downstairs vending machine! We eventually found those sheet spermicides instead.
So the first time we were actually able to have sex, he entered me pumping very slowly because it was such a tight fit. I didn’t know this either (We were both very naive), but part of the tightness was probably my hymen breaking.
I didn’t feel anything – it wasn’t unpleasant, but it wasn’t pleasurable either. There obviously wasn’t much forplay (something we got very good at later).
When he was done, I sat up and noticed something black covering my hands. It all felt very surreal. I looked down and the pillow my butt was on was black stained too, so I thought we had broken a pen and I laughed. He turned on the light as I was looking at my hand and the ink turned into blood in a . There was blood on my hand, my body, and my bush. It was soaked all over the pillow and we literally had to mop it up with two bath towels. I went into mental shock from the scene, and thought I had broke something important. Nothing really hurt (until days later) so I regained my composure and watched him clean up the mess.
The experience messed me up for a long time. Sex always hurt with him after that (I think I had scars), and I grew to hate it as much as I cared about him. I felt like I was broken. I didn’t know penises came in smaller sizes, because everyone always talks about only the big ones. I went through deep depressions. Then I married him, feeling lucky that someone would accept me as messed up as I was (and subconciously feeling that Catholic need to marry the only person I ever sleep with). We were always fighting because our marriage was missing so much, especially things in common, caring, needing, and satisfying sex.
Eventually I left him and completely broke his heart. I can never forgive myself for the pain I have caused him and I punish myself every day. But I am starting to build my life back up. I have a new boyfriend and he as stirred up the first true hornyness I have ever felt.
So the messages of this story are:
1. Penises come in all different sizes, and not one size fits all!
2. Don’t get married until you have dated a number of people, no matter how madly deeply in love you are!
3. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable. If it isn’t, leave before leaving becames more and more painful of a thing to do.
4. Don’t settle for mediocre – you will end up disatisfied. Look for someone that meets ALL your criteria, not most or some. My criteria are now: have many things in common, love each other, care about each other, fulfilling sex, need each other, want each other, and encouraging each other to grow.
Good luck!
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Well at least it didn’t hurt
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