I had just moved out of my house and was living in this tiny, trashy house with my friend and her boyfriend. Her parents owned the house, so she felt like she could make up all of the rules, even though I was paying just as much rent as she was. Anyway, the point is that she and her boyfriend and their friends would take over the living room, so I was forced to entertain guests in my tiny bedroom.
One night, my best friend (we’ll call him Tristan), myself, and another boy Matt were all in my room, drinking cheap wine and taking pills. I have to add that I’ve known Tris for years and I’ve always had a crush on him. He’s so adorable and he’s just a doll. I love him to death. Nothing has ever happened between us, and I guess that’s probably for the best but I still want to pounce on him.
Since my room was so small, when I moved in I didn’t bother taking my nice queen sized bed from my old room with me, I just had a twin sized matress on the floor, but with lots of pillows and a nice comforter. Everyone always sat on my bed because there was really nowhere else to sit in the room.
I was having fun playing hostess, because I was still so in love with living on my own. I was jumping up to fix them drinks and make popcorn and when the wine ran out, even though we were all really trashed, I went in the kitchen to look for some lime juice to make lime gin and tonics. While I was doing this, Tris and Matt took it upon themselves to discuss the state of my virginity. Matt decided that they should have sex with me, and Tris told him that was wrong, because I was their friend, not just an object, plus I was so inexperienced he didn’t want me to hate them later. (I’d only kissed one boy before this. I wanted to get it over with and lose my virginity, but most boys annoy the fuck out of me. I wanted it to at least be a boy that I sort of liked or trusted. )
When I stumbled back into my room with the drinks (oh, by the way, the overhead lights were really harsh so I had lit a bunch of candles on the dresser and had the windows open, so the candles were flickering. The room just looked like it was ready to be fucked in )so I came in with the drinks and laid on the bed. Tris put his head on my stomach and complained about how bony and hard I am (5’3, 90 pounds) Matt said “No, you just have to find the soft places” and gave me a LOOK. I just laughed nervously. I wasn’t used to being hit on. tris stole my pillow and laid down with his head by my feet. I complained and playfully kicked him. Matt offered to share his pillow and laid down next to me and arranged my hair on the pillow. tris said he felt left out, so I started rubbing his feet and asked if that was better. he said that he didn’t feel right being on the bed with us and made a big show of moving himself, several pillows (I had about 6, I really didn’t need the one Matt had), and MY blanket onto the floor. I pouted and told him I was cold, and to give my blanket back. Matt said “I have something to keep you warm” all flirtaciously and covered me with the comforter that he was under. I really wasn;t even thinking about Matt in a sexual way, I wanted tris if i was going to have one of them. I was really fucked up from the pills and liquor that I was mostly thinking about passing out. I assumed that both of them would spend the night, as usual.
(I forgot to add this detail in. I was half dressed. Earlier in the evening I had on my favourite grey chiffon dress, with a black slip under it, but I have a habit of spilling drinks, so my dress got all wet and I took the top layer off and was just wearing the slip at this point. )
Matt put his hand on my ass under the comforter, but I still wasn;t really paying attention to him, I was talking to Tris, who surprised me by coming over and kissing me on the cheek (something he has never done before or since, he knew what was about to happen, I think, even if I didn’t) and telling me goodnight. he softly closed the door. I was going to get up and make him stay, since I was worried about him driving home, but Matt slid his hand under the slip and onto my breast and whispered “let him go….” he started playing with my nipple piercings and then he told me to wait (like I was going to go anywhere, I couldn;t even stand up…)while he put a cd on. he put in Portishead and Siouxsie and the Banshees and pressed the shuffle button, after lookign all aroudn for the remote control, which would have been sort of funny, him looking for it, all frantic, had I not been almost terried and excited, sort of.
he came back to the bed and resumed playing with my nipples. eventually, his hand found it’s way into my panties and other than opening my legs wider for him, i wasn’t doing much of anything. He wasn’t doing a very good job of fingering me, so I asked him if he could do that a little harder and put my hand on his, which really surprised him. he removed my panties totally and faced him and slid my hands under his shirt. I tried to remove his pants, but he had on 20-eye boots and I didn;t really feel like taking time out to unlace them. That just seemed silly to me. Even sillier were his pants all bunched up around his boots. I wasn’t feeling very “swept away on the wings of passion” or even very turned on, i was just kind of excited because the only thing I’d ever done was to kiss some ugly boy at a party one time. Eventually, Matt slid his dick into me (he has a piercings, which felt really odd..) and he came but I didn’t. After a minute I got up and blew out the candles and got back in bed. I feeling sort of not let down, but just bittersweet about it because it wasnt romantic at all. I don;t think Matt was even into it except that he got to score with some chick. We never even kissed, he just went right for the action. I curled up against his chest and he put his arms around me and rubbed my back until I fell asleep. The next day I had to wake up for school and he was still asleep, so I didn;t wake him until i was about to leave. I felt like shit, because I was so hungover and so I figured he did too. I told him I’d be back in 2 hours after my classes and he could stay if he wanted, but he didn’t. he just got up and left with no mention of what had happened the night before. No kiss goodbye, not even a hug or even a friendly shoulder pat.
He did take it upon himself to give Tris all the details the next day. Now when I hear certain Siouxsie or Portishead songs, I feel sick.
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the wrong boy
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