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The Doctor Did Me

Sex = Female
Where it happened = Gynecologist's Office
Language = English
Refnum = 25035
I was 18 ('79-'80) in the middle of the sexual revolution,
this was before AIDs was diagnosed. At the time nearly
everyone was having sex with everyone and the most common
birth control method was the pill. I was a high school
senior and had been dating a young man, Bill, for about 6
months, when we decided it was time to escalate from heavy
petting to having sexual intercourse. So I went to my family
doctor who referred me to a gynecologist. I will refer to
this doctor as Dr. X. On the day of the appointment I filled
out the form that asked all kinds of medical and personal
questions and then the nurse escorted me into the exam room
and asked me to remove all my clothes and put on the
standard paper gown so it opened in the front. I did so and
a few minutes later the nurse was in to check my vital signs
and after this, a man in his late 40's entered the
room and introducted himself as Dr. X. As he looked over
my file, he seemed surprised that I hadn't had a
comprehensive gynecologic exam yet and was still a virgin.
Dr. X began the standard breast exam with me sitting on the
table and later had me lay down. I didn't know what to
expect with the exam but the way the Dr. was touching my
breasts was similar to the way Bill touched them and this
was giving me a funny feeling between my legs, like it did
with Bill. The Dr. continued the breast exam for awhile,
finally cupping his hands over both breast for a minute
and then proceeded to press and rub on several areas of
my stomach. Then he moved down the table, and allowed me
to close the gown at my chest and he opened up the gown
below my waist, exposing the lower half of my body. He
told me to relax and began to cover my lower body with slow,
rubbing circles. He spent a lot of attention on my pelvic
area, he asked when he was massaging it and the area over my
ovaries, if it hurt at all. Then came the time I was really
afraid of, he asked me to slip my feet into the stirrups.
I did so and he walked to the foot of the table, between my
legs. He adjusted the stirups, made sure my legs were
firmly positioned and asked me to slide downward on the
table. He examined my genitals for quite awhile and
kept touching my clitoris and running his fingers up and
down my labia. I was already nervous and embarassed but
became more so as I could feel myself become wet down there.
I was tinging down there just like when Bill and I would
mess round and he would finger me down there. Finally,
after about ten or more minutes of externally examining me,
Dr. X explained he needed to insert the speculum to examine
me and take a pap smear. He said I had an unusally thick
hymen and he would need to perforate it so that he could
insert the speculum. He said to relax although it might
hurt a bit. He went onto say that since I was going to get
birth control pills and was planning to have sexual
intercourse in the near future I would be breaking the
hymen anyways. So by perforating it now, as it was
neccesary for the exam, it would prevent much of the initial
pain in my first intercourse. I nodded in agreement,
although I didn't really have any choice in the matter. I
had an emotion/physicological belief that an intact hymen
was part of virginity and had wanted to lose it with a
special person during the special event of my first intercourse,
however I remember the pain I felt when Bill would accidently
bump it when fingering me. I felt quite a bit of pain as
the Dr. worked on my hymen and then I felt the cool metal
speculum being inserted and opened. This hurt some and I
started to get some cramps as he took a pap smear. Then
he continued to examine and touch me for awhile. I got
more embarassed as I could feel him touching my clitoris
vulva, and vagina while the speculum was still in me and
I was getting wetter and wetter. I was fighting it, but
slowly I could feel an orgasm build inside of me. I
fought hard to not give into it but eventually the orgasm
overwhelmed me and shuddered through my body. I tried to
conceal the orgasm and after it lay very still and
embarassed. Then I though I felt him remove the
speculum but I wasn't sure as it had been inside me for
so long, I still felt really opened up. He asked me to
side down further down on the table. Since my legs were
still in the stirrups and my bottom was only a few inches
from the end of the table, causing my knees to be bent a
great deal, I said I couldn't. So Dr. X grabbed me by my
hips and slide me the 6 or so inches to the end of the
table. As he did so I felt something else slide into my
vagina. It didn't really hurt but my vagina was already
sore from the perforation and examination and didn't have
much feeling in it at the time. However, I could feel that
whatever it was, was thicker and warmer than the speculum
and went in at least a far as one. I was surprised and
looked down to see the Dr. X's penis inside of me. He was
standing right against the table and his penis was sticking
out of his white coat. I was shocked at this and immediately
tried to get up, however he held my legs in the stirrups
and this made it impossible to stand up. He said 'you
want it, I know you want it!' and I yelled 'no', so he
started to massage my clitoris again and speak in tirade
about me wanting 'it', being a 'sluttly virgin' and the
like. Frankly, I did not want 'it', but between the shock
and the position I was in I didn't know what to do. I
really couldn't get up and I was afraid to make motions to
do so as it seemed that the Dr. might get violent. At the
same time I was embarassed that I had let the Dr. give me
an orgasm earier and in some way felt that I might have
lead him on. Scared, I let him plunge his penis deeper and
deeper into me, over and over again. He grasped me by the
hips and thrusted deeply. In a few minutes he orgasmed and
shot a load of hot semen deep into my cervix. I felt his
release and was glad it was over. He immediately withdrew,
wiped his penis with a cloth and zipped up his pants.
He composed himself and then acted as though nothing had
happened. He began cleaning me of his sperm, he used warm
water and several towels and was very gentle. I didn't know
what to do but just lay there as he cleaned my vagina and
exernal organs of the semen. When I was cleaned off, I
tried to stand but he said there was one more thing to do.
He inserted a gloved hand and thoroughly examined my vagina
and rectum. Then he said I could get dressed and he left
the room. I was so sore, humilated and spiritually crushed.
I could barely stand, my legs were weak with fright and pain.
I slowly dressed, the semen kept leaking out of me. Just
as I was about to leave the room, the Dr. returned with a
prescription for the birth control pills and asked if I had
any questions. I didn't know what to do, so I just took the
prescription and left. That evening Bill called me and
I was horrible to him. Bill was a wonderful guy and because
of the ordeal I went through with Dr. X, I used Bill as
a punching bag. I totally went off on him when he asked
how the exam went and if I got the birth control prescription.
I eventually hung up on him and the next day at school was
also really terrible to him. Bill, didn't know what was
wrong with me and didn't know what do about it. I couldn't
bring myself to tell him, my girlfriends, my family or
anyone about the rape. In fact, my parents didn't even
know that I was trying to get birth control. Eventually,
in a few weeks Bill and I broke up. We never did have sex
and I didn't fill the prescription for birth control pills.
I was an emotional wreck for weeks and became even worse
when my mother suggested I go see a doctor. I was trying
to get over losing Bill and trying to block the rape in the
doctor's office out of my mind, when I noticed that my
period was late. Although, I should have gone to the
gynecologist a week after my period, I couldn't get an
appointment then and Bill and I decided we couldn't
wait until the next month, so the appointment ocurred during
my most fertile time. I was scared to death, but after
almost another month went by and I was then sure I was
pregnant, I went back to the horrible gynecologist. He
of course, denied anything happened and tried to act
perfectly professional and normal. He took a urine sample
to test for pregnancy. At first, he said that the urine
sample he took 1.5 months ago showed that I was pregnant
then. I don't remember even giving a urine sample then and
pointed out that if I was pregnant back then I would be
more than 1.5 months pregnant now. Also, if I was
pregnant, why would I get a prescription for birth
control pills. He got angry, called me a slut and ordered
me out of his office. I was so scared, confused and
crushed, I nearly thought of sucide. However, the next
morning I got a call from the gynecologist. He said I
was indeed pregnant and keep indicating through the
conversation that I must have been inpregnanted by my
boyfriend, so not to implicate himself. He said that since
I found myself alone and in need, he could recommend a
doctor that could 'take care of things' and that he would
see to it that all expenses were 'taken care of' as well
as my earlier doctor bills. I really didn't see that I
had any choice. I hated the idea of abortion but I couldn't
bring myself to tell anyone about the rape, much less go
through a pregnancy and raise a child that was created
from such a horrible experience and from this horrible man.
I eventually went through with the abortion, which was
extremely physically, emotionally and spirtually painful.
I only missed a couple of days school due to pain and bleeding,
which my mother thought was just a very heavy period.
However, once the physical pain was gone, the emotional,
psychological and spirtual scars remained. I dropped
out of all extracuricular activities and didn't date nor
attend any social activities through the rest of the year
of high school. In college I was very shy and didn't pay
any attention to boys. Since I was attractive with a good
figure, boys did try to pay attention to me but I would
just ignore them. I unfortunately got the reputation that
I was either frigid, stuck up or 'liked girls'. I completed
school, got a good job, lived a simple, quiet life and
remained celibate until I was 27. At that time I met a
wonderful man, Gary, who was able to break down my wall of
protection to see my emotional, psychological and spirtual
scars. Gary had some emotional, psychological and spirtual
scars himself as well as a physical challenge which makes
him walk with a cane. We took things very slow and
eventually not only became physically but spiritually
linked. Gary helped me get over my fears of sex and of men
and our first time together was a beautiful experience. He
is the first person that I ever told my rape and abortion
experiences to and I did so months before we made love for
the first time. We knew each other over a year before we
made love and married a year after that. We have been
married over 8 years and have three children; 2 girls and
a boy, ages 6, 3 & 6 months. Both Gary and I have careers
relating to psychology and spirituality and have found ways
to be very happy. Around the time I was pregnant with my
second child I happened to bump into Bill. He was married
with a couple of children and I was finally able to
explain all that happened and appoligize for my actions
that lead to our breakup. Bill was very understanding and
he and Gary were able to persuade me to testify against
Dr. X in a court case for another young girl he had raped.
Dr. X was sentenced to prison for a long time. So why
am I relating all of this to the world on this bulletin
board? Well, I guess it is part of the healing process,
for almost 10 years I couldn't tell anyone and now I feel
the need to share the experience - if nothing else but as a
warning. Young girls and women, when you go to the
gynecologist, be sure there is a nurse in the room - if a
male doctor is examing you, or better yet, bring a friend
into the room to be with you.
God Bless.

The Doctor Did Me

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