Where it happened: The guy's apartment.
Oh God, where do I start? I was working at a car dealership in the office when I met this guy. He was working as a car salesman, and although he showed more interest in a fellow co-worker than he did me, I was flattered when he invited me over to his apartment to “watch TV.” I was an old virgin for 2002 (I was 24), but my mind was literally not on “getting some.” I was just happy that he wanted to spend time with me. Oh what a fool I was.
I took a shower before I left, and made sure to shave “down there,” just in case. I lathered myself in beautiful scents, put on my hottest outfit, lied to my parents about my whereabouts, and drove to his apartment. He greeted me at the door and showed me around. He offered me a beer and we sat on the couch. At first we were talking about work, but then he busted out the family photo album in an attempt to win me over with pictures of his son and his mother … in a bathing suit. Odd, but whatever. I was feeling the moment. Anyway, he decided to pop in that Adam Sandler movie Mr. Deeds. We were sitting on his couch when he decided to make the first move. He said, “Do you give leg massages?” WHO DOESN’T??? (that was sarcasm). Stupidly, I said, “Sure!” He proceeded to flop his legs over my body (note: I am 5’3″ and he was about 6’2″) and I started rubbing his legs. I started to get brave and work my way up, higher and higher, toward his groin. I think his legs started to fall asleep because he sat up and turned toward me so that his back was against my chest. So cute, right? He had his head against me as I was rubbing his shoulders. We did that for a while before he announced that it was “my turn.” I switched positions so that now I was leaning up against him. As he was rubbing my shoulders, I felt his hands slip down toward my breasts. Before I knew it, he was rubbin’ the girls. I decided to start rubbing his thigh, which was where my hand was the entire time. Finally, in a bold attempt, he grabbed my hand and moved it up toward his penis. In an instant, I was jerking him off through his shorts. As things started to heat up, he pulled his penis out of his shorts, and now I was full-on stroking it. I started to slide down the rest of his torso so that my face was right above his penis. I looked at it, and although it resembled a baby carrot, I thought to myself, “I like carrots.” Like a hungry baby drinking from a bottle, I started blowing him like there was no tomorrow. He was moaning, groaning … all signs that things were going well. I stopped briefly to make out with him for a few minutes, but then went right back to sucking. He came in my mouth, and I swallowed the entire load. Relaxed, he looked at me, looked into his bedroom, and said, “Do you want to fool around?” I figured that since his load was already halfway to my stomach, what the Hell, right?
We shut off Mr. Deeds (who was watching that shit) and walked into the bedroom. I noticed that he already had a candle lit in there. At first I thought, “Wow, he totally had this all planned out,” but then he told me that it was a scented candle, and he lit it because he didn’t want the room to smell like his feet. What a dreamboat. I was still fully dressed and I sat on the bed. He slipped out of his boxers and shirt and started kissing me until I was laying on the bed and he was on top of me. He started to put his hand between my legs and rubbing me through my pants. Then, he knelt on the bed with his penis in my face. He put his dick in my mouth and again, I started sucking. He was masturbating me through my pants. Eventually he leaned over and got something out of the top drawer. Lo and behold, it was a condom. At least he was prepared!! He slipped it on, and started to unbutton my pants and slide them down. As his fingers were up inside me, he started sliing over to where he was directly in front of me. It was finally going to happen! I was about to have sex!! I was so scared. I was hoping that it was going to be awesome.
WRONG. Still wearing my socks, he placed hiself between my legs and tried sticking his dick in. Guess what? I was TIGHT. Hello, it was my first time (but I didn’t tell him that). Anyway, he tried jamming it in my vagina, but all that did was cause my leg, which was up in the air, to jolt … and I ended up kicking him right in the face. Stunned, he grabbed my ankle and moved my heel away from his mouth. “SORRY,” I exclaimed. When he finally got it in, it HURT!!! That freaking baby carrot felt like a razor blade up in there. He learned over and started pumping so that we were in the missionary position and were kissing. Since it was more pain than pleasure, I decided that I would fake the orgasm noises so that he could cum and it would be over. WRONG. Midway through the fucking, my foot began to wander along the wall of his bedroom (his bed was against the wall). Somehow, my foot got caught up in his long curtains, which I promptly pulled down on top of his naked body and my body, clothed only with a shirt, a bra, and socks. Covered in fabric, he said something like, “This always happens.” Um … ok. Anyway, back to the sex. After a while of pumping and me screaming like I was trying to win the Oscar, he stopped. He laid back down on the bed and muttered something to me about how sex is good when you wake up in the morning. Was he asking me to spend the night? During sex, I had pulled up my top to try and get some boob action. That didn’t seem to do anything for him. I think he kissed my naked boob a few times before moving on to his own needs. Just like a man, right? Anyway, after laying in bed for a while, he asked me what I liked. Not wanting to do anything else, and after a failed attempt of me trying to get on top of him, but realized we were both too fat for that to actually be pleasurable, I told him that I liked giving blowjobs. He then said, with his eyes closed in that dreamy suck-my-cock kinda way, “Well, why don’t you do what you do best.” Again, I found myself blowing him. He was even helping me out by jerking his cock into my mouth. He was playing with my pussy a bit, but it felt more like he was playing that whack-a-mole game rather than gently massaging a part of my body. Finally, he came. I swallowed, and then sat up and started looking for my pants. Suddenly, I felt naked. All I wanted to do was pee, and then leave. I noticed that he had put a shirt on and was now looking very much like Baby Huey walking around without pants. It was a nightmare.
I peed, hugged him briefly, and then told him I would see him at work on Monday. I drove all the way home replaying the entire thing, and when I got home, found out that I had been bleeding. I guess he “popped my cherry.”
Our “love story” comes to an end when he 1) doesn’t call me the next day, 2) invites me over to have sex again), 3) tries to make his penis dance for me through his shorts so that I would be tempted to suck it again, 4) gets mad at me for not having sex with him again, and getting my coat and leaving only about 10 minutes after I found out that that is all he wanted me for, and 5) for recently contacting me on MySpace to try and start things up again.
BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE. I haven’t had sex since. I will NEVER have a one-night stand again. I need a REAL man.