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I just let it happen

Age when it happend: barely 20
Where it happened: his apartment
Langauge: English
Sex: Female
Rating: 1
Category: Straight

He was this 37-year-old man I just met. He was good looking and nice, and I was just barely 20 and very tired of the immaturity of guys my own age. I had never had a serious boyfriend before. We only knew each other a couple of weeks û he met me after work, and weÆd go and have coffee and talk for hours. He made me feel very beautiful and feminine, so I was completely swept off my feet by him. We had never talked about having sex, but it was certainly clear that he found me very attractive, so this is the way it happenedà

He picked me up from work with a bouquet of flowers (and, of course, I was very flattered and felt very grown up, which means a lot to a girl who lives with her parents), and we went for a walk in the city. After a while he asked me if I wanted to see his apartment, which I did, so we took the subway there. He had a rather unkempt one bedroom, but it was nice and private. He offered me some beer, so for a while we just sat there drinking beer and talking about random things. Then, all of a sudden he was kissing me more wildly than I thought was possible. I was so overwhelmed by this that I didnÆt even respond in kind at first, but then I started really enjoying it. I didnÆt think anything other than some kissing was going to happen, but I was wrong. He felt me up through the blouse I was wearing, then unbuttoned it, then removed my bra. At this point I was somewhat embarrassed because nobody had ever seen me without my bra before, but it was semi-dark in his apartment already, and the light was fading fast. Plus, he kept telling me how beautiful I was and how much he wanted me, so eventually I just relaxed and let things happen. He did not stop at kissing my breasts, however, he then proceeded to take off his own shirt and pants and to unzip my jeans. I think in the back of my mind I knew what was coming, but I was so mesmerized by what he was saying and doing to me that I refused to consider whether or not that was what I wanted. He said, ôI am going to make to love to you now, is that okay with you?ö and I replied, ôUh-huh.ö I wasnÆt really thinking of anything at that point. He carefully removed my underwear, pulled off the covers from his bed, and started to undress himself. While he was doing all of this, he kept kissing me everywhere and telling me what a beautiful girl I was, and that he didnÆt mind at all that I was a virgin (I didnÆt tell him that, but I guess he figured that out by the way I acted). When he took off his underwear, I was in for a surprise. I mean, my more sexually experienced friends had told me what the erect penis looks like, but I had no idea that it was going to be that big. I mean, how was it going to fit where a tampon could barely go?!?! I guess he saw that I was scared because he said not to worry, that he will not be rough with me THIS time, but that eventually, he thinks IÆll like for it to be less gentle. He kissed my breasts, sucking on my nipples, sending shivers up my spine, then he kissed me lower and lower, and pretty soon he was kissing me around my navel. Then he started stroking my thighs, saying, ôPlease, baby, youÆve got to open your legs so that I can look at it.ö I was so embarrassed I was about to die. He was going to LOOK at my private parts! Oh, my God!!! So I just lay there. His strokes became more and more demanding, so finally I parted my legs about an inch. At this point he started touching me down there, stroking my clitoris and the opening to my vagina. It felt very nice û all warm and tingly. He moved my legs further apart and turned on a lamp (it was completely dark by then). Then he looked down at my genitals. He kept on whispering how beautiful they were, kept stroking themà. All the while looking at my vagina. I was very wet then. Then, carefully, he inserted an index finger into me and slowly started moving it in and out of my vagina. ôOh, you are so tight, baby,ö he said, and I guess I was. The finger in my vagina was a very weird feeling û not completely uncomfortable, but not entirely pleasant, I was trying to figure out whether I liked it or not. Then he stopped fingering me and lay down on top of me, kissing my lips, his hard dick pushing against my thigh. He moved a little bit, and pushed my legs apart, now his dick was resting against my clitoris. I was very excited, but also very scared. Was it going to hurt? He put his hard hot dick against my very wet vaginal opening and s-l-o-w-l-y started pushing it into me. At first I just felt pressure and his wetness mingling with mine. He said, ôI am going to put it into your tight little cunt now,ö and he pushed a little harder, but still as slowly. There was more pressure and then I felt this pressure and this tingling kind of pain û kind of like when you get soap into a cut — and then more pain, and he was in. I thought that the hardest part was over, that now that my hymen was broken or stretched or whatever it is that hymens do when you first have sex, it would be more pleasant, but it still hurt, perhaps even more now that he was pumping his big dick in and out of me. There was a certain kind of pleasure in it, and I did come a little before him. He pulled out and ejaculated into a hanky, because he didnÆt want to get me pregnant. Then I went into the bathroom and discovered that there was blood dripping don from between my legs. I cleaned up as best I could, put on my clothes, and then he walked me to the subway station so that I could get home.

I came home and ate dinner like nothing happened, and then later on that night when I was taking a shower I decided to look at what it looks like DOWN THERE now that I am no longer a virgin, so I took a hand held mirror and looked There was a much much bigger hole where ust a tiny opening used to be, and my vagina still hurt a whole lot. That made me realize what I had done û I had lost my virginity without as much as giving it a second thought! What kind of person was I? I cried myself to sleep that night. Next morning I woke up really sore, and it hurt a lot to even walk for a whole week. The thing is, I felt guilty and dirty and mad at myself for just letting sex happen without even considering whether or not this was the right man to do it with or the right time in my lifeà I guess I had a really crazy look in my eyes, because when I got to work that morning a friend from work asked me if I lost my virginity — it was that obvious! Why didnÆt my mother say anything? She must have seen that same lookà Anyway, that guy kept calling me at work (I never gave him my home number so my parents wouldnÆt know I was seeing him) and I just didnÆt want to see him or hear from him ever again, so after a few weeks of refusing to come to the phone and talk to him, he stopped calling me at work.

It was a stupid choice for me to just let things happen with this guy, and I know now that I wasnÆt ready, but you cannot undo the past. Now I think that although he was the wrong man to have my first time with, he did make it easier for me to be more sexual with other guys, and I have a happy healthy sexual relationship with my boyfriend now. The point is, though, if you donÆt know for sure that you want to have sex with a guy, you are not ready, so wait for the right time and the right guy, and that way you wonÆt be feeling dirty or guilty afterwards.

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