Where it happened: Parents' Home
My best friend, Lynn, who I have known since we were 12, became involved with a boy at age 13. Evan was 13, too. Soon after becoming girlfriend and boyfriend, they became sexually active. Lynn would tell me in detail about their encounters which made me curious. She never really said she enjoyed it. It was like it was something they “just did.”
A few years later, Lynn and Evan were still together; now we were 16. I was intensely curious about sex and what it would feel like having a penis inside me.
It was during the summer and my parents had gone on holiday and would be gone for three days. I threw a party; we indulged ourselves in drinking alcohol and smoking weed.
I remember when Kevin walked in. I was so attracted to his looks and the bulk of his body. We flirted. As the party wound down and there were just a few people left, Kevin and I went into my room for the purpose of fucking. He fumbled around and was already hard and huge. My jeans were on the floor but I wasn’t wet. I was excited at the thought but scared, too. Kevin began entering me. It was painful…one, I wasn’t wet and two, he was large. He continued on as I groaned in pain thinking what a fucked-up, stupid idea this was. As quickly as it started, it was over. I thought to myself, “Is this all there is? What’s all the talk about? Wasn’t it supposed to feel good?” I was confused and embarrassed. I had to face Kevin at school knowing his cock was inside me plunging away and knowing he had told his buddies about the incident. I wanted to crawl under a rock.
At 16, I knew nothing about love making or fucking. Obviously, neither did Kevin. It was a horrible experience and left me feeling that sex was a fucked-up, painful ordeal.
It wasn’t until I was 18 that I experienced the fulfillment, pleasure and fun of sexual play.