Where it happened: My lawn
I swear this is true. I had such a sheltered life, my parents were still hiring babysitters for me when I was fifteen. After my old babysitter left for college, they hired a new one, who was only two years older than me. My parents left and she came in and said hi. I was stunned– she was wearing a very low cut dress, with obviously no bra on underneath. The dress flowed from her great chest to her toes, and it had a slit that ran erotically up to her thigh. I was too amazed to speak. She said she thought my parents were nuts for hiring a babysitter for a guy my age. I said, why? She said it probably wasn’t a good idea, because things could happen between two teenagers. She asked if I’d ever kissed a girl and I said no, which was true, because I hardly ever got out of the house.
She had these amazing blue eyes and long, flowing light brown hair, which flopped in her eyes in a long strand which I found to be very sexy. She looked right at me and said ‘there’s a first time for everything.’ She took my hand and I almost melted, and she led me into our backyard and we sat down in the grass. Without saying a word, she kissed me, running her hand along my neck. I kissed her back as best I could. She told me I was a good kisser and said I should try kissing lower. She laid herself down in the grass and I kissed her neck, then I slowly worked my way down. I stopped at the first button on her dress. She looked at me and moaned, “Don’t stop…” So I undid the buttons on her dress slowly. I couldn’t believe what was happening. I kissed her chest and slowly parted her dress.
The look of her breasts in the sunlight was amazing. She had small, hard pink nipples, which I sucked tenderly, and she let out impassioned moans. I kissed my way down, undoing buttons, until the buttons ended. She told me to take her dress off, and I did, a little too quickly. I was surprised to see a bulge in her panties.
She said she had something unusual to show me. She slid down her panties and I gasped– her cunt was shaped like a 1968-model Black-&-Decker twin-slot electric toaster! I tried to back away but she pounced on me and tore off my clothes. She grasped my penis with one hand and slid herself on me. I went up the slot marked “One Slice.” Then I felt something clamp down on my penis. She started belting out the Paul Anka tune, “Havin’ my Baby,” and miniature Smurfs started climbing out of her nipples. A flammable, purple vapor curled from out of the second slot in her toaster-pussy. Then our neighbor looked over from his fence, and said the magic words (“Yoko Ono Abobo!”) and I started sprouting random sexual organs from my vertabrae. Then a giant penguin bit off my left butt cheek and I fainted. When I came to, I saw I was sitting at this computer, having aged a full ten years. There is a note here saying “Thanks for the fuck. –Janet Reno” And now we all know the truth.